Saturday, September 10, 2016


It was 0550 and the fire of my night shift was collapsing softly into embers. In a fit of (I might add) uncharacteristic narcissism I looked up my name on LinkedIn. I found a much more illustrious namesake who worked for Barclays bank. Guess what she did? And I quote verbatim, including the capital letters:

'Responsible for being the independent Voice of Customer proactively influencing the customer agenda at Exco level to drive performance against key customer targets'

She also was:

'continually embedding a TCF culture' (TCF, for the non cognoscenti, is Treating Customers Fairly).


'producing a 40% year on year reduction through eliminating root causes.'

Naturally she was far prettier than me. She could have eliminate my root cause any time. And boy could she pack in some verbs. No actual meaning, mind, but lots of verbs. 

Made me want to kick in a few windows.
Image result for barclays bank

1 comment:

  1. It's not so much the verbs that have me rolling around the floor clutching my sides: it's those bloody nouns, proper, improper and batshit crazy. Show me an 'Exco level' and I'd wonder if I was supposed to do carpentry with it, or set up base camp on it. And what is a 'root cause' that needs to be eliminated in order to achieve a 40% reduction? That is being 40% reduced? Someone's waistline, chest measurement, or bank balance?

    One gets well embedded in WTF country here, does one not?