Tuesday, January 16, 2018

A TALE OF THE COMMONPLACE



A TALE OF THE COMMONPLACE


Janet injured her foot a few weeks ago. This was a minor injury, but it was too sore to walk on for a few days, and later on when she tried she discovered her leg could no longer bear her weight. This distressed her. Actually, distressed is too clinical a term. This frightened her. She became scared of moving and falling, and gradually her mind just seemed to fall apart. She went from rambling a bit, to a kind of word salad, peppered with loose associations, and from walking with a frame, to being hoisted into a wheelchair.

In the rest home where she lived, Janet was part of a group of fierce and witty women who always lunched together. One lunch time, I was called over to their table because Janet couldn't manage her eating. She couldn't organise her utensils and she didn't seem able to find her mouth. I assisted her to eat the softer parts of her lunch, forking food for her.

All of this is commonplace and unremarkable. (I love the unremarkable!). It happens every day in a rest home near you. Most interesting was the responses of Janet's friends. It was they who called me over, and as I assisted her they were all watching my every movement with the intensity of birds. And they critiqued my actions in detail.

What was this about? I spoke to them, and said, it must be hard to watch this, because Janet is your friend. They all agreed emphatically. They know how this one goes. Janet is assisted to eat from now on. She is moved to the ridiculously named ‘feeds table’. She no longer sits with them, no longer socialises as much, spends more time in her room. This has happened to other friends. It will happen to each of them, in one form or another. They feel for Janet and they want the best for her. They feel for themselves, too. And they want to know some important things, which they learn by watching me and critiquing me. When this happens to them, how will I care for them? Will they be safe with me? How will they get their needs met, when they are no longer able to express them?

The responsibilities of those caring for the elderly are simpler when the elderly are unable to speak for themselves, when they are really ill. Then the responsibilities are great, but simpler. Caring for the elderly who are their own advocates is less straight forward, but just as great. Honouring their sense of selfhood is not just an immediate, day to day task, it is a very tangible insurance policy for uncertain and frightening future.