Saturday, July 4, 2015

If I was a gun

If I was a Star Wars character, I would be R2D2. I have a thing for R2D2 as I see myself as small, brave, clever and cheerful.

If I was a gun....

I used to see guns as requiring Great Moral Seriousness. Because they, like, kill people. And it is Ok to kill an animal, but only if you intend to eat it and only if you are grateful for its life and understand the place both you and the other animal have in the Great Circle of yada yada yada.

Now that I have actually fired guns, I just want to make things go bang.

I was out in a forest with my friend and learning about his guns by firing them across a river.

First I fired a .22 and it was a snippy little high tech thing, and it had a silencer, and I figured it was kinda cool but it would take me a while to get on side with.

Then I fired a Magnum 44. A Dirty Harry gun.

I was in love just looking at it, so beautifully made. When I fired it I was so excited I literally jumped up and down. It was noise and the power and the smell and the bang and the zing and the sense and the everything. It was the most awesome thing in the world.

If I was a gun, I would be a Magnum 44. A short, intense little shit kicker of a gun. That's me.

I was then offered the possibility of firing more powerful guns. This is a thought that is both thrilling and sobering. Because knowing me as I do, I suspect I am only slightly more lethal behind the sights of a gun than I am behind the wheel of my Holden Statesman.


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  2. I would like to imagine myself as an eight-point-eight centimetre FlaK - not the most powerful anti-aircraft or anti-tank piece of ordnance there ever was, but one arse-kicker of a thing that had a way of putting the frighteners on just by being there. Or even simply the possibility of being there.

    But the real me, I fear, is more in the way of a popgun. An unsatisfying bit of a noise, and a range equal to or less than a short piece of string. Damn. :-(