Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The irrational nature of a positive attitude

Since the earthquake on 22 February, almost everybody i know has engaged in highly rational behaviours due to equally rational concerns about further earthquakes.

i know people who won't drive, who won't go into shopping malls, parking buildings or anywhere that is above a single storey. i know people who check for the proximity of walls or trees as they move around the city. i know people who are constantly alert for earthquakes - they sleep clothed or with lights on, they jump whenever a loud noise is heard and remain as prepared as they can at all times. i know other people who have left Christchurch. All very sensible under the circumstances.

Of course all this wariness is wearying. Hypervigilence takes its toll on the body. Running just a bit rich in aldrenalin and cortisol all the time affects sleep and appetite and mood. Citywide, people are stressed. The domestic violence rate has increased, as has problematic alcohol and drug use. People are facing long delays in dealing with bureacracies and it is easy to become cynical. Gestures of symapthy are cheap. Fixing our stuff isn't. Whatever Dunkirk spirit people had is long gone.

Post quake anxiety may not be helpful in the long run, but short term it is highly adaptive and entirely rational. Of course we want to be ready to run. Of course we don't want to put ourselves in the way of danger. The fact that we can't predict the next 'big one' doesn't help those primitive but effective parts of our brains that are designed to save our lives.

Me, i seem to do it differently. i go wherever i want. i wake briefly for aftershocks or not at all. i suspect (although i haven't tested it) that my resting heart rate is the same as it was last year. i don't seem to be subject to any more moodiness or pessimism than usual. i am reminded of the earthquakes as i move around the city, but i don't grieve terribly and i don't wait for the next one. At first blush, i may seem more onto it, because i really do keep calm and carry on. Now, how rational is that? Hardly.

i am not known for a sunny and positive outlook, nor am i less subject to anxiety than the usual person. i am a political and environmental pessimist, which is partly why i support activism. i think the reason the earthquake bizzo does not bother me is sheer lack of imagination. i honestly can't imagine that wall falling on me or that building catching on fire. i don't have enough imagination to be anxious. i don't have enough persepctive.

Nothing particularly awful happened to me. i lost a few things i don't much care about and we were inconvenienced for a while. i was sad for the city's losses and felt hard for the deaths, while they were happening. i think i would feel very differently if i had been more personally affected. My perspective would have changed. But for now, bad things happen to other people.

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