Hi, I'm.....

Back when I was a respectable person with a job and money etc I would get to go to training sessions or conferences, and there would be name tags with things like

'Hi, I'm...'

and you are supposed to put your name on them. Back then I would refuse to wear one in order to show I was capable of minor rebellion. Recent events have shown I am in fact capable of major rebellion. So if I am ever again in a position to go to training sessions or conferences I will write other things on my name tag.

Here are some ideas:

Hi, I'm...
An innocent bystander.

Hi I'm....
The Doctor's new Companion.

Hi I'm....
Devastated. Just devastated.

Hi I'm...
Not really here.

Hi I'm...
His lovely assistant.

Hi I'm....
Exquisite.

Hi I'm...
Real.

Feel free to add to these.