Lights and sirens

i have had the experience several times of ringing ambulances for people (not myself) where i am not in the house with them and only know the situation from phone calls.

The ambulance staff ask me if i want lights and sirens. And do i want normal road speed.

So, how the hell do i know? i'm not there in the house. i may not even know the person very well.

So, i say, well shit, just don't bother with the lights and sirens and drama, and how about you order a pizza and pick it up on the way there because it is cheaper that way, and when you arrive at the house i suggest you make like repo men and turn your lights off and cruise up the drive way really really slowly...

So, no, i don't say that, because i don't know what is going on in that house and i kinda don't want anyone to die.

What i say is this.

Fuck yeah i want lights and sirens. And speed. More speed, dammit! And i want helicopters and the armed offenders squad and at least one platoon of Marines going hut hut hut...actually skip the Marines, as i've heard they've had their brains removed to make more room for ammunition. Instead, i would like the New Zealand SAS led by the awesome Corporal Willy Apiata, VC. And i want him straight from Afghanistan looking like a hero from Gears of War or something XBox anyway, armed to the teeth and all sweaty in the dusty heat. And he can take my person to the Emergency Department and all the nurses will pause and look thoughtful, and it will be me who sent him and i will say, oh yeah, Willy, yeah, good guy, no worries, real casual.

Actually i don't say that either.

But more on Willy later.