A TALE OF
THE COMMONPLACE
Janet
injured her foot a few weeks ago. This was a minor injury, but it was too sore
to walk on for a few days, and later on when she tried she discovered her leg
could no longer bear her weight. This distressed her. Actually, distressed is
too clinical a term. This frightened her. She became scared of moving and
falling, and gradually her mind just seemed to fall apart. She went from
rambling a bit, to a kind of word salad, peppered with loose associations, and
from walking with a frame, to being hoisted into a wheelchair.
In the
rest home where she lived, Janet was part of a group of fierce and witty women
who always lunched together. One lunch time, I was called over to their table
because Janet couldn't manage her eating. She couldn't organise her utensils
and she didn't seem able to find her mouth. I assisted her to eat the softer
parts of her lunch, forking food for her.
All of
this is commonplace and unremarkable. (I love the unremarkable!). It happens
every day in a rest home near you. Most interesting was the responses of
Janet's friends. It was they who called me over, and as I assisted her they
were all watching my every movement with the intensity of birds. And they
critiqued my actions in detail.
What was
this about? I spoke to them, and said, it must be hard to watch this, because
Janet is your friend. They all agreed emphatically. They know how this one
goes. Janet is assisted to eat from now on. She is moved to the ridiculously
named ‘feeds table’. She no longer sits with them, no longer socialises as
much, spends more time in her room. This has happened to other friends. It will
happen to each of them, in one form or another. They feel for Janet and they
want the best for her. They feel for themselves, too. And they want to know
some important things, which they learn by watching me and critiquing me. When
this happens to them, how will I care for them? Will they be safe with me? How
will they get their needs met, when they are no longer able to express them?
The
responsibilities of those caring for the elderly are simpler when the elderly
are unable to speak for themselves, when they are really ill. Then the responsibilities
are great, but simpler. Caring for the elderly who are their own advocates is
less straight forward, but just as great. Honouring their sense of selfhood is
not just an immediate, day to day task, it is a very tangible insurance policy
for uncertain and frightening future.
